- Date published:
- Author:Brian Wood
FUD Bogeyman: Hey buddy, did know know that AIS is getting audited? Not good, not good.
Datacenter Seeker: Huh? What’s that all about?
FUD Bogeyman: It’s bad news, let me tell ya. I’m told they’ve got financial troubles. Better stay away from them.
Datacenter Seeker: Wow, AIS never said anything to me about that. Are you sure?
FUD Bogeyman: Am I sure? Of course I’m sure. I should know — I am who I am. Just believe me. I got the inside scoop, straight from the source. So how much of my stuff do you want to buy?
Datacenter Seeker: Gosh, what else should I know about AIS?
FUD Bogeyman: Geez man, where do I begin? Old infrastructure, unreliable, unhappy customers, financial problems, bad Better Business Bureau rating, the list goes on and on. Trust me, you want no part of them. Shall I super-size your order?
Datacenter Seeker: C’mon, is all that true about AIS? Why should I believe you?
FUD Bogeyman: Look deep into my eyes, concentrate on my soothing voice, go to that place of inner angst and just wallow there for awhile. Drink deep of this cup of lies and don’t bother to verify anything I’ve told you. I’ve been around, I know where the bones are buried, I’m a big shot. I got skills.
Datacenter Seeker: Actually, my AIS contact just clarified that they’re having a recurring audit for SOC 1, 2, and 3 report purposes to prove SSAE 16 compliance — and that they’re the only datacenter in the southwest that actually has such audited compliance reports. I can download the most recent audit summary from their website. AIS is using Moss Adams, a highly respected public accounting firm, the 11th largest in the United States.
FUD Bogeyman: Compliance! Ha! Who needs that when you’ve got green paint! Paint is good! Let me paint you a picture of your happy future when you’re mine, all mine, precious one… It’ll be Disney World, Epcot Center every day, believe me you.
Datacenter Seeker: Hmmm. While you were talking I took a look at the BBB website. See here, AIS has an A+ rating, the very best that any company can get. I took a look at your rating too — not so good, ironically.
FUD Bogeyman: Ha! What does the BBB know? They’re slow and they’re not my customer. And they must not have received those complaints I submitted…
Datacenter Seeker: You know what, I recently toured the AIS facilities — pretty impressive. Fifty two (52%) percent market share in San Diego, five datacenters around town plus one in Phoenix for disaster recovery, 23 years in business, over 600 customers, lots of staff, tons of experience, massive networking capabilities, two different cloud offerings, and they’ve invested millions in backup power, backup cooling systems, monitoring systems, and more.
FUD Bogeyman: So what?
Datacenter Seeker: So how can AIS be doing all that if they’ve got financial problems?
FUD Bogeyman: YOU FOOL! I mean, you impressionable furry little future meal ticket of mine. Don’t you get it? Haven’t you been paying attention to me? Flex your fear, you muppet! Green means go, don’t you know? AIS rhymes with nemesis, so do the math. Over 150 years of business leadership experience is worthless, automation is overrated, and what do San Diego companies like Callaway and Mitchell know anyway? Old school but flash in the pan, here today but gone tomorrow.
Datacenter Seeker: The evidence of continued AIS success would seem to speak for itself, actually.
FUD Bogeyman: No matter, evidence can be manipulated. If you work with me, I’ll throw in a free helmet or a muffler or something. You like stickers, right? I’ll put you on our monthly sticker plan.
Datacenter Seeker: Yeah, well, no thanks, I think I might just be going back to AIS right now to work up a hybrid cloud and Phoenix DR deal. What you’ve been telling me doesn’t add up, and my gut tells me to walk away. Something doesn’t feel quite right with you, Mr. FUD. Thanks anyway.
FUD Bogeyman: YOU’LL BE SORRY, YOU WEASEL! You’ll see, those guys at AIS simply don’t do business like we do. Besides, VMware is overrated, a passing fad. Plus, we’ve kept our backup generator on wheels so that we could avoid the permitting and compliance costs and pass the savings straight on to you. Can AIS say that? No-sir-ee. We be cuttin’ deals, cuttin’ corners, cuttin’ in front.
Datacenter Seeker: Uh, those cut corners are what I’m afraid of, and nobody likes a line-cutter. No thank you, sir, I’ve made up my mind and I’m heading over to AIS. I need to get going now.
FUD Bogeyman: Let’s try this again, barney. Forget everything I’ve said and forget about what your gut tells you. This is the era of big data and big spin. So let’s make a deal: what will it take to put you in one of these green beauties before you drive off the lot today? Pretty special, huh? You’d be joining a mighty exclusive club, let me tell ya!
Datacenter Seeker: Special and exclusive indeed. No thanks. Excuse me, sir, I really do need to get going and wash my hands.
FUD Bogeyman: ARRRRGGHH! YOU’LL RUE THE DAY YOU MET ME!
Datacenter Seeker: You can say that again. Note to self: fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.